The wedding of the 20th century, in 1981, celebrated a marriage that turned out to be a huge bust. It ended as badly as a relationship can: scandal, divorce and, ultimately, death and worldwide weeping.

So when the firstborn son of that union, Britain’s Prince William, set in motion the wedding of this century by getting engaged to Catherine Middleton, he did things a little differently. He picked someone older than he is (by six months), who went to the same university he did and whom he’d dated for a long time. Although she is not of royal blood, she stands to become the first English Queen with a university degree, so in one fundamental way, theirs is a union of equals. In that regard, the new couple reflect the changes in the shape and nature of marriage that have been rippling throughout the Western world for the past few decades.(See an album of British royal weddings.)

In fact, statistically speaking, a young man of William’s age — if not his royal English heritage — might be just as likely not to get married, yet. In 1960, the year before Princess Diana, William’s mother, was born, nearly 70% of American adults were married; now only about half are. Eight times as many children are born out of wedlock. Back then, two-thirds of 20-somethings were married; in 2008 just 26% were. And college graduates are now far more likely to marry (64%) than those with no higher education (48%).(See a video of Belinda Luscombe sharing her thoughts on the TIME/Pew survey.)

When an institution so central to human experience suddenly changes shape in the space of a generation or two, it’s worth trying to figure out why. This fall the Pew Research Center, in association with TIME, conducted a nationwide poll exploring the contours of modern marriage and the new American family, posing questions about what people want and expect out of marriage and family life, why they enter into committed relationships and what they gain from them. What we found is that marriage, whatever its social, spiritual or symbolic appeal, is in purely practical terms just not as necessary as it used to be. Neither men nor women need to be married to have sex or companionship or professional success or respect or even children — yet marriage remains revered and desired.(See the Pew Research Center’s full report “The Decline of Marriage and Rise of New Families.”)

And of all the transformations our family structures have undergone in the past 50 years, perhaps the most profound is the marriage differential that has opened between the rich and the poor. In 1960 the median household income of married adults was 12% higher than that of single adults, after adjusting for household size. By 2008 this gap had grown to 41%. In other words, the richer and more educated you are, the more likely you are to marry, or to be married — or, conversely, if you’re married, you’re more likely to be well off.(See pictures of couples that have been married for 50 years.)

The question of why the wealth disparity between the married and the unmarried has grown so much is related to other, broader issues about marriage: whom it best serves, how it relates to parenting and family life and how its voluntary nature changes social structures.

The Marrying Kind
In 1978, when the divorce rate was much higher than it is today, a TIME poll asked Americans if they thought marriage was becoming obsolete. Twenty-eight percent did.(See Part I of the TIME/Pew results.)

Since then, we’ve watched that famous royal marriage and the arrival of Divorce Court. We’ve tuned in to Family Ties (nuclear family with three kids) and Modern Family (nuclear family with three kids, plus gay uncles with an adopted Vietnamese baby and a grandfather with a Colombian second wife and dorky stepchild). We’ve spent time with Will and Grace, who bickered like spouses but weren’t, and with the stars of Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica, who were spouses, bickered and then weren’t anymore. We’ve seen some political marriages survive unexpectedly (Bill and Hillary Clinton) and others unpredictably falter (Al and Tipper Gore).

We’ve seen the rise of a $40 billion-plus wedding industry, flames fanned by dating sites, and reality shows playing the soul-mate game — alongside the rise of the prenup, the postnup and, most recently, divorce insurance. We care about marriage so much that one of the fiercest political and legal fights in years is being waged over whom the state permits to get married. We’ve seen a former head of state’s child (Chelsea Clinton) marry after living with her boyfriend and a potential head of state’s child (Bristol Palin) have a child before leaving home.(See a brief history of White House weddings.)

So, as we circle back around to witness another royal engagement, where are we on the marriage question? Less wedded to it. The Pew survey reveals that nearly 40% of us think marriage is obsolete. This doesn’t mean, though, that we’re pessimistic about the future of the American family; we have more faith in the family than we do in the nation’s education system or its economy. We’re just more flexible about how family gets defined.(See the Pew Research Center’s interactive graphic “Five Decades of Marriage Trends.”)

Even more surprising: overwhelmingly, Americans still venerate marriage enough to want to try it. About 70% of us have been married at least once, according to the 2010 Census. The Pew poll found that although 44% of Americans under 30 believe marriage is heading for extinction, only 5% of those in that age group do not want to get married. Sociologists note that Americans have a rate of marriage — and of remarriage — among the highest in the Western world. (In between is a divorce rate higher than that of most countries in the European Union.) We spill copious amounts of ink and spend copious amounts of money being anxious about marriage, both collectively and individually. We view the state of our families as a symbol of the state of our nation, and we treat marriage as a personal project, something we work at and try to perfect. “Getting married is a way to show family and friends that you have a successful personal life,” says Andrew Cherlin, a sociologist at Johns Hopkins University and the author of The Marriage-Go-Round: The State of Marriage and the Family in America Today. “It’s like the ultimate merit badge.”

But if marriage is no longer obligatory or even — in certain cases — helpful, then what is it for? It’s impossible to address that question without first answering another: Who is marriage for?

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“His stuff, your stuff, now what?”

By Joy Moyler, interior designer author Hautezone.Blogspot.com

As an interior designer with over 25 years in the game, you could say I have endured some design challenges. And now as design head for Armani Casa, Giorgio Armani’s interior design studio, I have been fortunate enough to design home environments for bachelors like singer John Mayer, violinist David Garrett, actor Adrien Brody, and various captains’ of industry. I’ve spent seven years designing showrooms for Ralph Lauren, including the Beverly Hills and New York stores amongst others. But the most challenging feat is often a new home for ‘newlyweds’

Man, Check! Ring, Check! Venue, Check! But did you really, sign on to gaze at that threadbare sofa ‘Til Death Do Us part’? What will your response be when he comes home dripping from sweat, some hazy, hot and humid mid-August summer day during a New York City garbage strike? He walks in, runs his hands through his sweat laden hair, hurls his Kenneth Cole laptop messenger bag to the floor, runs into the kitchen for one, no two, cold ones. Pops the cap, grabs the remote control and salt and vinegar chips, to watch the eighteenth run of Rocky 2 (like he never saw it before), poised to stretch out, feet up and realizes someone moved HIS sofa?

‘Till Death Do Us’ part. Hmmmmm. Sometime in the not-so–wee hours of the night (okay, day after he’d gone to work) the Salvation Army Truck arrived. I know, I know you never saw it coming, didn’t call them, but somehow they managed to enter your newlywed home and haul that raggedy thing to an unknown location. Hmmmm. Where, Oh where are the by-laws buried for the not-so harmonious task of ‘blending furniture’? This was not covered in marriage counseling. If so, the pages must have been stuck together. It is likely easier to ‘blend’ in-laws, and extended families. Well except for the ‘crazy cousin’ no one wants to claim much less talk to.

I am often asked to ‘marry’ styles. Contemporary, with Traditional, Moderne, with Bohemia, French with Vintage Metal, as in Heavy Metal. Generally there has already been a degree of editing done way before I show up. But all too often, there is that one piece that manages to be the ‘button’. The piece that can be a real deal breaker. The one fabric clad (often stained) heavy piece from the ‘hot’ bachelor/bachelorette days that can question your own judgment. The piece that makes you wonder is you should have married ‘Fred’ instead of ‘Ted’. What is the solution?

The answer, in short is ‘diplomacy’. The same level of ‘diplomacy’ required in deciding where to spend the holidays, how to tactfully avoid eating his mamas, overdone pearl onion casserole which is like chewing a plate of marbles, with cheese.

Identify pieces that fit well into the new environment.

When I say ‘fit’, I have four suggestions:

1) Scaled to fit. Do not keep a large sofa in a studio apartment just because your sister gave it to you.

2) Keep ‘non-trendy’ pieces that are in good condition and made well. Even if something is old consider updating with new knobs, pulls, hardware etc. Strip the finish and add a coat of paint. There are numerous shops allowing DIY practicing before committing to an entire job.

3) Make breathing new life into old pieces a ‘date night’. Wear sexy clothing and he will forget you’re ripping the denim fabric off of his favorite football night chair, replacing it with velvet and a colorful Jonathan Adler toss pillow. Whenever, he see’s the chair, he will imagine how much fun you had frolicking on it, forgetting what it used to look like. And if he can’t remember, frolic some more until it’s all he can think about. You know what I mean!

4) 1-800-STO-AWAY and any likely facsimile available in your region. Costs are generally manageable. Who knows, down the road there may be more room for it, or the style will come back. Again, only keep pieces in great condition.

Remember, “keep it moving or be left behind”. So try not to worry about sofas, curios, tables and such. When the music stops, just be glad to have a chair! – Joy Moyer

How to Be The Perfect Vintage Housewife

By: Rockabilly Love

The good old days of set family roles are long gone, but with a little bit of hard work and a lot of determination, you can bring back the original and best ‘happy family’!

Things You’ll Need:

Your own house

A partner and or/children

Patience

Instructions:

1. Start with your personal self. Rise an hour early, before the rest of your family, and take a warm shower {not hot-don’t want to scald your skin!}, using a fragrant soap or bodywash. Dress in appropriate clothing, tight enough to show off your feminine figure, and loose enough to be practical. Spray a favourite scent in front of you, then walk into it, giving you a slight, alluring scent that won’t be harsh on anyone’s nose! For makeup, stick with creamy foundation, a mild rosy blush and light eye makeup. Pin your hair up into a pretty yet practical style. The point is to make your husband/partner admire your ability to be beautiful the second he wakes. After this is completed, wake the children {if you have any}. Get them organised for showers and dressing, and to collect their homework from the previous night.

2. He will be awake at this point, so while he showers and shaves, swiftly prepare a non-greasy but filling breakfast for yourselves. Aim to create something new every few days, for example, bacon and eggs on toast one morning, mushroom omelette the next. When he is dressed and seated at the table, and before he reads his paper or turns on the tv, tell him what you have planned for dinner that night, and ask him for any suggestions he may have. This lets him know you care about his opinion and input, which is essential for any healthy relationship. Slip in little things like “I know you like mushrooms, so I thought a mushroom and beef stew would be good for dinner tonight?”

3. While he is eating, prepare his lunch and a few snacks for the day. Pack something filling, nutritious AND tasty. If you’re lucky enough to have children, now is the time to pack their lunches too. If he is on any medication, or has any specific needs for that day, e.g: You know he has a cold, so pack a few aspirin and a handkerchief. Pay close attention to his needs, and when you use that knowledge to attend to him, he will be happy…and when my husband is happy, I’m happy!

4. Depending on who leaves the house first, kiss your husband and children goodbye. Wish him a good day and let him know that you’re proud of how hard he works, and ask him if there is anything he wants done today. If he says, for example, “I have no clean socks”, apologise for not noticing, and promise to wash them the second he goes to work. Even if you don’t touch them for a few hours, he leaves the house with peace of mind that he can come home to clean socks and a wife that remembers his needs. Once everyone has left the house, clear the breakfast dishes and wipe the sink and benchtop down. Now is the time to wrap a scarf around your hair and don an apron and gloves. Start with clothing. Find all the dirty clothing and wash it, then dry it outside if possible. It gives a nicer, fresher smell. While they are washing, change over the bedsheets and give them a light spritz of his favourite perfume. Iron and fold the clothing. Pick up the general mess, and sort it into it’s appropriate places. Wipe dust from shelves, put on a pair of your highest high heels and pay close attention to all the places that you can now see- these are the places your husband will notice! Mop and vaccuum the floors {obviously, only mop the tiles or vinyl floors!}. Open the windows and sit a vase of fresh flowers or spring of lavender in front of each window. A great trick for the room closest to the front door is, later in the day, to bake {yes, handmake!} a loaf of bread, and place it to cool on an open window ledge near the front door. As soon as he enters, he gets that ultimate homely comfort smell- warm, soft, hand baked bread. It makes a perfect tool to relax him after a long hard day, and he won’t even know it!

5. Next, cook yourself a small, quick meal. As you eat, you can relax outside, watch a tv show or call a friend. Your cleaning is all done, so if you’re making dinner, do it now before the children get home. The instant they do get home, get them into a bath, dressed in clean clothes and doing their homework at the kitchen table. You can provide assistance and keep an eye on them as you cook- two jobs in one! Let them play or watch tv before your husband gets home, so that they are calm and relaxed to greet their father. Let him unwind with warmed slippers and dressing gown {clothes dryer for a few minutes!} in his favourite chair, and ask him, with genuine interest, how his day was. Give comments, always supporting him, such as “Oh darling, how terrible! But don’t worry, I baked your favourite apple crumble!” After dinner, play a boardgame or have a ‘show and tell’, where each family member tells something interesting they learnt or experienced that day, ending with a discussion on current events and news. Send the children to bed with hugs and kisses to their parents, let them know they are loved and their love is appreciated in return.

6. Head to the bedroom and make sure it looks and smells nice. Turn back the covers so he only need slip between the covers. Take down your hair, clean off your makeup, and get into a nice, clean nightdress or better yet, nothing at all. *wink* When he goes to bed, offer a massage, or gently stroke his hair. If he wants to discuss anything, listen to him and let him know you’re listening.   – eHow.Com

Excerpted from Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn?, by Pamela Keogh, to be published in October by Gotham Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA), Inc.; © 2010 by the author.

1. DURING TIMES OF STRESS, YOU …

a) go for a walk on the beach.

b) meditate.

c) pour gin in your tea.

2. FOR YOU, SEX IS …

a) uncomplicated and fun!

b) a way of saying, “Thank you.”

c) a means to an end.

3. BEFORE YOU MEET A MAN FOR DINNER, YOU …

a) shave your legs.

b) run a Dun & Bradstreet on the guy.

c) break out your tippy-tallest Manolos and hope for the best.

4. YOU WAKE UP EVERY MORNING …

a) with your day completely planned.

b) and do whatever you feel like.

c) turn to the person next to you, and say, “Hello, dear.”

5. YOUR CHILDHOOD IS SOMETHING …

a) not discussed.

b) to be celebrated.

c) you’ve been running from your whole life.

6. YOUR FATHER …

a) loved you and gave you confidence.

b) was Clark Gable.

c) taught you to throw a football.

7. YOUR MOTHER …

a) scares the hell out of you.

b) left you all of her Balenciaga and Schlumberger.

c) secretly loves your little sister (you know, the “pretty one”) more.

8. AFTER YOU SLEEP WITH SOMEONE FOR THE FIRST TIME, HE …

a) offers you the lead in his movie.

b) asks you to marry him.

c) has a Cartier bibelot on the breakfast tray.

9. IN YOUR OPINION, MONEY IS …

a) everything.

b) no, we mean it—everything.

c) not that important—as long as you have a roof over your head and Veuve Clicquot in the fridge, you’re cool.

10. MEETING YOUR FUTURE MOTHER-IN-LAW FOR THE FIRST TIME, YOU …

a) convert to Judaism.

b) brush up on your French.

c) eschew underwear.

11. FORMER BEAUX KEEP UP WITH YOU …

a) on Facebook.

b) on the front page of The New York Times.

c) they don’t. They’re still devastated by the breakup. They’ll never get over it. Never.

12. YOUR BEST FRIEND IS …

a) your roommate from prep school.

b) your hairdresser, makeup artist, stand-in, publicist, housekeeper, majordomo, Peggy Siegal—or some varying combination.

c) just you, baby. Just you.

VF.COM EXCLUSIVE QUESTIONS

13. WHO SAID, “ALL MEN ARE RATS AND CANNOT BE TRUSTED?”

a) Jackie’s father, John “Black Jack” Bouvier

b) Gloria Steinem

c) Marilyn Monroe in Some Like It Hot

14. WHO SAID, “JUST GIVE ME CHAMPAGNE AND GOOD FOOD AND I’M IN HEAVEN AND LOVE”?

a) Oprah Winfrey

b) Ina Garten

c) Marilyn Monroe

15. OF THESE MODERN-DAY CELEBRITIES, WHO IS THE LEAST MARILYN-ESQUE?

a) Madonna

b) Scarlett Johansson

c) Lindsay Lohan

Answers at VanityFair.Com