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55. AS SECOND IN COMMAND IN THE HOUSE, except in large establishments, where there is a house steward, the housekeeper must consider herself as the immediate representative of her mistress, and bring, to the management of the household, all those qualities of honesty, industry, and vigilance, in the same degree as if she were at the head of her own family. Constantly on the watch to detect any wrong-doing on the part of any of the domestics, she will overlook all that goes on in the house, and will see that every department is thoroughly attended to, and that the servants are comfortable, at the same time that their various duties are properly performed.

Cleanliness, punctuality, order, and method, are essentials in the character of a good housekeeper. Without the first, no household can be said to be well managed. The second is equally all-important; for those who are under the housekeeper will take their “cue” from her; and in the same proportion as punctuality governs her movements, so will it theirs. Order, again, is indispensable; for by it we wish to be understood that “there should be a place for everything, and everything in its place.” Method, too, is most necessary; for when the work is properly contrived, and each part arranged in regular succession, it will be done more quickly and more effectually.

56. A NECESSARY QUALIFICATION FOR A HOUSEKEEPER is, that she should thoroughly understand accounts. She will have to write in her books an accurate registry of all sums paid for any and every purpose, all the current expenses of the house, tradesmen’s bills, and other extraneous matter. As we have mentioned under the head of the Mistress (see 16), a housekeeper’s accounts should be periodically balanced, and examined by the head of the house. Nothing tends more to the satisfaction of both employer and employed, than this arrangement. “Short reckonings make long friends,” stands good in this case, as in others.

It will be found an excellent plan to take an account of every article which comes into the house connected with housekeeping, and is not paid for at the time. The book containing these entries can then be compared with the bills sent in by the various tradesmen, so that any discrepancy can be inquired into and set right. An intelligent housekeeper will, by this means, too, be better able to judge of the average consumption of each article by the household; and if that quantity be, at any time, exceeded, the cause may be discovered and rectified, if it proceed from waste or carelessness.

57. ALTHOUGH IN THE DEPARTMENT OF THE COOK, the housekeeper does not generally much interfere, yet it is necessary that she should possess a good knowledge of the culinary art, as, in many instances, it may be requisite for her to take the superintendence of the kitchen. As a rule, it may be stated, that the housekeeper, in those establishments where there is no house steward or man cook, undertakes the preparation of the confectionary, attends to the preserving and pickling of fruits and vegetables; and, in a general way, to the more difficult branches of the art of cookery.

Much of these arrangements will depend, however, on the qualifications of the cook; for instance, if she be an able artiste, there will be but little necessity for the housekeeper to interfere, except in the already noticed articles of confectionary, &c. On the contrary, if the cook be not so clever an adept in her art, then it will be requisite for the housekeeper to give more of her attention to the business of the kitchen, than in the former case. It will be one of the duties of the housekeeper to attend to the marketing, in the absence of either a house steward or man cook.

58. THE DAILY DUTIES OF A HOUSEKEEPER are regulated, in a great measure, by the extent of the establishment she superintends. She should, however, rise early, and see that all the domestics are duly performing their work, and that everything is progressing satisfactorily for the preparation of the breakfast for the household and family. After breakfast, which, in large establishments, she will take in the “housekeeper’s room” with the lady’s-maid, butler, and valet, and where they will be waited on by the still-room maid, she will, on various days set apart for each purpose, carefully examine the household linen, with a view to its being repaired, or to a further quantity being put in hand to be made; she will also see that the furniture throughout the house is well rubbed and polished; and will, besides, attend to all the necessary details of marketing and ordering goods from the tradesmen.

The housekeeper’s room is generally made use of by the lady’s-maid, butler, and valet, who take there their breakfast, tea, and supper. The lady’s-maid will also use this apartment as a sitting-room, when not engaged with her lady, or with some other duties, which would call her elsewhere. In different establishments, according to their size and the rank of the family, different rules of course prevail. For instance, in the mansions of those of very high rank, and where there is a house steward, there are two distinct tables kept, one in the steward’s room for the principal members of the household, the other in the servants’ hall, for the other domestics. At the steward’s dinner-table, the steward and housekeeper preside; and here, also, are present the lady’s-maid, butler, valet, and head gardener. Should any visitors be staying with the family, their servants, generally the valet and lady’s-maid, will be admitted to the steward’s table.

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Smith may be one of the most common names in America, but this Smith family is anything but ordinary. Will Smith is known as "Mr. July" for the box office bucks he rakes in every summer for his blockbuster films. His wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, does it all—she's a singer as well as the star of the TNT series Hawthorne. And together, they're raising three kids—Trey, Jaden and Willow—and have created one of the most talented families in Hollywood.

Will and Jada say they created what they call a marriage business plan early on. "If you don't have a purpose for your relationship, if you don't have a place that you're going, something that you want to accomplish, something that you want to do, you can really get lost in the murk of the journey," Will says. "There has to be a vision. Like, why are we together?"

Wouldn’t it be easier to stop the juggling act and be a housewife and a helpmate? Wouldn’t it be better for her spouse and children if she were to opt for a more traditional role — full-time wife, full-time mom, full-time writer of thank-you notes — a choice that continues to be embraced by many forces in our culture?

Consider this: Three-quarters of Americans believe both partners should contribute to the household income, according to a Pew Research Center study from October. Meanwhile, only 37% of mothers who work outside the home want to be working full time, that same study reported.

Maybe those women are just tired, stressed out by the complications of everyday life amid a recession. Maybe it’s easier to idealize so-called simpler times (1945 to ’65 anyone?) amid difficult ones. Or perhaps we should examine the role of pop culture and TV, which has a tendency to clothe domestic life in perfect little cocktail dresses.

After all, the much watched women of Wisteria Lane seem to be more interested in “feminine arts” such as gossiping and scheming than in holding down a corporate gig. The housewives of the Camelot-era “Mad Men” seem to have nothing better to do than mix martinis, look fabulous and inspire a partnership with Banana Republic and a slew of cocktail recipes that are listed on sites such as Oprah.com.

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Whatever the source of their inspiration, a small contingent of women are turning to the Internet to champion the importance of being a good wife and partner. Some of their voices are sincere and straightforward. Others toy with the notion of 1950s housewifery, viewing it through a lens that seems clouded with nostalgia. It seems doubtful any of them would endear themselves to the editors of Ms. Magazine, but they have tapped into a longing.

There are bloggers like Kathi Browne, a fortysomething mother of three in Maryville, Tenn., who stopped working in the corporate world after her third child was born and summarizes her philosophy at Wingspouse.com as “an alternative to the traditional career choices some executive spouses are forced to make. Rather than requiring a choice between a career or family, the wingspouse career unites the two — creating a partnership between the executive and the spouse, and leading to mutual success.”

A wingspouse can help analyze an executive’s ideas without fear of reprisals — or theft. A wingspouse might accompany his or her partner to a speaking event and help work the room — or simply stand back and read people to see if the message is getting across. Or provide comfort on the home front. “Another wingspouse shared her secret to making her husband feel settled sooner,” Browne blogged last December. “She hangs the same plaque in the front entrance of every home they move to.”

A wingspouse can be a man or a woman, but Browne acknowledges that she believes she is writing primarily for women.

In the San Diego area, Kelley Lilien, 30, a graphic designer and work-from-home mother of two, lets her inner eccentric housewife run free with MrsLilien.com. Hers is a splashy website with themed posts on perfect picnic outfits and snacks or Grace Kelly tributes, each entry enhanced by a fanciful poem.

Keeping everything tongue-in-cheek, Lilien also extols the virtues of another nuclear family stereotype, the mother’s little helper. She is not afraid to mention booze, pills and retail therapy on her blog. While her alter ego might be the one to show up at your cousin’s wedding in a T-shirt-length magenta kaftan to match her super-sized Cosmopolitan cocktail, the real-life Mrs. Lilien is slightly more subdued, happily affixing her fingers with the cocktail rings her husband gives her each Valentine’s Day, never leaving the house without lipstick and believing that a good dinner party “is just what life’s about.”

And then there’s Taryn Cox, who isn’t afraid to put it all out there, unabashedly writing about stereotypically uxorial topics ranging from themed baby showers and creating her own cocktail-style dresses to the art of ironing a newspaper and how to clean with vodka at a blog she has titled TarynCoxTheWife.com.

Cox’s posts showcase classic glamour and gorgeous parties as songs such as “Sunny Side of the Street” play in the background.

“I’ve always just been so completely fascinated by the idea of marriage and dedication,” says Cox, a trim 26-year-old with a penchant for pastels and an e-mail address that starts with “stepfordwife.”

No, she’s not married and she doesn’t have kids, but “this [blog] is for those dreams and fantasies. I believe my own vision. I believe there’s an art to being a good wife.”

Growing up in Newport Beach as an only child to a single mom, Cox says her enthusiasm for the wife-and-mother role grew when she saw all her elementary school friends getting picked up at the curb when school let out and she was shuttled off to the YMCA for after-school care. Her blog, where the word “wife” is written in capital letters, includes rules for domestic bliss (WIFE rule No. 17: “The perfect WIFE should shave her legs every day or every other day.” WIFE rule No. 14: “The perfect WIFE should have the most beautiful and neat handwriting. This always comes in handy when writing Thank You notes, Addressing Cards, and Sharing Recipes”).

While not blogging, she’s parlayed years of personal assistant gigs for the likes of Lindsay Lohan and Scarlett Johansson into her current position as a domestic assistant and organizer for philanthropist Monica Rosenthal and her husband, TV producer Phil Rosenthal. Cox says it should give her plenty of practice for her planned life, as she helps with grocery shopping, organizing dinner parties and other duties.

Cox says she’s one of the first people her friends call when they get engaged, possibly because of her two giant binders of articles about wedding and party planning.

So, what’s her dating life like? Cox is somewhat mum on that, saying she usually dates only men she meets through mutual friends.

“[But] I’ve always been told I have very high expectations when it comes to dating men, which I always found to be an overexaggerated statement,” Cox says. “I think my expectations are not over the top but should be the norm. I think it’s important for a man to practice opening doors, calling instead of sending a text, putting forth the effort to make plans in advance instead of waiting to the last minute. It shows that he ultimately respects you and your time when paying attention to you and the small details.”

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The garment no longer symbolizes women’s relegation to the kitchen but their delight in being there. – Rene Lynch for The Los Angeles Times

Is there another kitchen object that carries as much baggage as the apron?

A whisk and a wooden spoon are, after all, tools to get the job done. But an apron?

For years, aprons were commonplace and worn with pride. But somewhere along the line the apron became shorthand imagery for all that was holding women back, an emblem of humble domesticity and repression. When an apron was required for practical reasons, it certainly wasn’t flaunted. (If your mom was like mine, she’d yank that apron off before answering the front door.) And still today, when a man is too close to his mother, we say he’s tied to her apron strings.

But a growing community of self-proclaimed apronistas is seizing the apron back from such dusty, anachronistic thinking. No longer a symbol of kitchen drudgery, the apron has returned with a vengeance, ushered by a renewed appreciation of all things domestic.

“We don’t have to live by anyone else’s definition of what it means to be a woman, or a mother or a wife, that time is over,” says Cynthia Wadell of Orange, founder of Heavenly Hostess, a line dedicated to upscale aprons and kitchen linens.”You get to decide what that apron means. It’s your choice.”

Of course, it helps that today’s aprons are not just aprons. Forget those unisex, butcher-style, fuddy-duddy aprons. Today’s models — even the workhorse aprons, the ones you actually use to wipe off hands and fend off splatters — are fun. They’re flirty. Sassy. Ironic. Fashion forward. And sexy: Full-length versions not only cover up but also enhance the bustline and play up an hourglass figure with a cinching of the waist.

And yet they don’t take themselves too seriously: The Annie’s Attic online boutique at Etsy has a line of aprons embellished with skulls.

Then there are the hostess and cocktail aprons. You do not — repeat, do not — wipe your hands on these. Not with price tags that can top $100 apiece. Wadell’s aprons, for example, are wearable works of art, ethereal confections made of tulle, organza and luxurious satin, an accessory that polishes off an outfit and sends the message: “I am your hostess. And it’s going to be a great party.”

In other words, it wasn’t that long ago that an apron would be the last thing you’d buy a mom on Mother’s Day. Now it might be just the right thing.

Apronistas say the evolution of the garment mimics the broadest strokes of the women’s movement. Seen as the homemaker’s uniform in a “Leave It to Beaver” kind of way, aprons were ripped off and cast aside as women moved from home and kitchen to the workplace, says Janice Longone, curator of American culinary history at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor.

When an apron was, by necessity, called for, it was as likely to be one of those utilitarian fabric sheets, easily worn by man or woman — mirroring the desire for equality between the sexes.

But that is lost on later generations who have rediscovered the domestic arts, who unwind after a long hard day with Food Network and Martha Stewart Living magazine. They see no shame in spending the afternoon perfecting their recipes for shortbread or short ribs — and, in fact, they brag about it on their blogs. It was just a matter of time before they decided they wanted to look good doing it too.

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The perfect wife knows how to provide the harmonic balance within the family unit. She knows how to balance career, domestic chores, taking care of the children and support her husband emotionally. The perfect wife has many roles to fulfill and finds it both a challenge and rewarding. Not every woman wants to be the perfect wife. Many women will purposely try to be something different to establish their independence. Even those women that rebuff the idea of a perfect wife, read on. There are many deep emotional rewards for striving to be the perfect wife.

The perfect wife knows how to smile at those jokes that aren’t really that funny. She manages a small laugh and doesn’t remind her husband that he has told that joke before repeatedly. Without her husband knowing it, the perfect wife embraces these age old jokes over and over as if they were brand new. The perfect wife will know that one day her husband might be in a nursing home not able to even recognize who she is. It will be that day that these old jokes will be a memory that keeps her going daily to visit her wonderful husband.

The perfect wife finds the energy to pick up the piles of clothes, socks strewn about and the glasses that never make it back to the sink. Instead of clearing up after everyone and feeling like a maid, the perfect wife is proud of her home. It will drive her nuts to have the little messes here and there. She cleans up without a second thought as to who did it last time or why everyone around her can’t seem to walk to the kitchen sink. She knows that one day the house will be childless and there won’t be laughter as everyone is gathered around the TV watching a movie and forgetting their dishes. The perfect wife covets the memories that are being made in the household from an active family life.

The perfect wife wakes in the middle of the night to toss the covers back onto her husband because she wants him to stay warm. She doesn’t sit up and wonder why she had to marry someone that thrashes about and snores so loudly. The perfect wife cherishes the quiet moments when she can watch her husband sleeping peacefully. Deep down she knows that one day her bed will be empty because she has become a widower.

The perfect wife learns how to cook the dishes that are her husband’s favorite to eat. Eventually, she even learns to like some of these dishes herself. When he calls her telling her that he will be late getting home for dinner, the perfect wife smiles and puts the meal on warm. She knows that it is a blessing that she has a man that is willing to work very hard to financially provide for the family. At least her husband is out working late and not at the local bar picking up women or ending up in jail. There will be a day that the only food her husband might be able to eat is puree meals from a straw.

The perfect wife does not look at just today. The perfect wife does not keep score as to who has contributed the most or contributed what to a relationship. She values her marriage and embraces her friendship with her husband. When faced with multi-tasking and keeping the family balance, the perfect wife focuses on enjoying each moment for she is wise and knows that the precious moments of today are not forever. It is from the perfect wife that many of us could learn to cherish today and let yesterday’s problems stay in the past. By: Joyce Priddy