Entries Tagged 'Etiquette' ↓

A Good Guest

Arrives slightly late and leaves on time.

A good guest brings energy, charm and a small present.

A dinner guest engages the person on her right and left.

A party guest mingles and meets everyone.

A houseguest is self sufficent not needing constant entertainment.

All good guests write thank you notes.

Very good guest also calls the next day. – Tiffany & Co.

Drew Barrymore did it. Angelina Jolie did it. Britney Spears and Courtney Love and Whitney Houston did it. Well, those last three seem to be going back and forth between doing it and not doing it—but my point is that it’s completely possible to go from being a train wreck to being a good girl.

Look at the cases of those first two: Barrymore and Jolie. These two fine young beauties came back from a world of vices (Barrymore had a substance abuse problem and was in rehab before she was a teenager; Jolie’s adolescent tales were sordid, involving vials of blood around her neck and making out with her brother), and transformed themselves into caring, nurturing, smart women who are now world-famous actresses and, perhaps more importantly, great role models. Joining them is a whole roster of successful young women who rehabilitated themselves, from First Lady Betty Ford to actress Eva Mendes, to former reality show devil Nicole Richie.

Here’s why I bring this up: Even if you’re a train wreck, even if as you’re reading this book you’re drunk at a store and thinking about stealing it so you can trade it for a cigarette in the parking lot, there’s still hope for you. Even if you drink too much or pole dance to pay for your cell phone bill, you don’t have to be destined to an emotionally painful, liver-damaging, yellow-toothed, overly tattooed existence. Everyone has had a vice. Without fail, everyone still has one. (The person who tells you he or she doesn’t have any vices is lying—in fact, dishonesty is a vice in and of itself.)

Abraham Lincoln said, “A man without vices is a man without virtues.” So don’t lose sleep over your past. After all, part of youth is growing up and learning from your mistakes. Though your mistakes shouldn’t be so damaging they’re permanent: Don’t do something so toxic as a young woman that when you’re older you have a seizure every time you hear a bell ring; don’t pump your body with so many chemicals that when you have babies later in life they come out with three heads and twelve fingers.

But don’t beat yourself up, either. Even if you are a mess, even if you have become the type of girl no one respects, even if you are a tramp—it’s never too late to turn yourself around and become a lady. There is such a thing as second chances. (And third and fourth, for that matter.)

Here’s the thing: The perfect childhood doesn’t exist. Temptation is as old as time; or at least, the history of temptation extends as far back as the moment Eve gave Adam that serpent’s apple. But what sets the lady apart from the tramp is the ability to acknowledge she needs to clean up her act—and then, of course, the fact that she actually does clean up her act. Living a better life is an important decision, and one you have to make for yourself (no one else can make this decision for you, and it’s crucial to remember that you can’t make the decision for someone else, either).

Some of my best friends here in New York have pasts I have a hard time reconciling with the people I’m close to now. But I wouldn’t change them— or their pasts—for anything in the world. Their experiences are what made them the people they are today.

And perhaps more importantly, their experiences have provided me with some of the most amusing stories I’ve ever heard. – Whitney Vargas for Elle.Com

There are few things that get under my skin more than witnessing a man walking with a woman on the sidewalk and the man not knowing or caring where he belongs. A man, or should I say, a gentle man,  always walks on the street or curb side of the sidewalk in America (the Euro tradition states that a man walks on a woman’s left, which can be curb side or building side.) I wonder that some men are confused because they have read or heard the opposing opinion that a gentleman walks on the building side. This alternate opinion is based on the notion that in the case that a flower pot or soup can should fall from a ledge or an open window and plunk his lady friend on the head, the gentleman would be there to catch said pot or at least absorb the brunt of the collision with his own thicker skull. Then the argument for the curbside is that a woman is protected from a wet or muddy splash caused by a passing car. As for for the transgressions against this rule, I suspect the violators don’t know any better and saunter on in oblivious bliss.

Let us make this clear once and for all. A gentleman walks on the curb side of the sidewalk when walking with a woman. Basta. Of course, SP understands that this can be a bit awkward when walking in a city such as New York, Boston, Charleston or San Francisco when a couple may encounter many turns and street crossings in a relatively short jaunt. In fact, I once had a lady friend say to me, “I know you are well-mannered and your intentions are gallant, but you are annoying the hell out me with all this switching from side to side.” In this case I acknowledged (to myself) my mistake for making my action so ostentatious and vowed (to myself) to make my transitions smoother in the future. But the truth is, I can not enjoy the walk if I am not on the curb. It’s so ingrained that it’s damn near obsessive. Or is it compulsive? Whatever it is, I am content in my place and confident the majority of women appreciate the gesture. – Social Primer

www.SocialPrimer.Com

Well, another perfectly good evening was close to ruination. The cause? Inconsideration and a total lack of decorum by a few cretins masquerading as gentlemen. There is an appropriate quote from Fitzgerald in Tender is the Night, I believe, lamenting the lack of decorum in men but the passage escapes me so I’ll take this time to paraphrase (crudely). There are many things a man can and should do when out and about in public: be polite, well-dressed, groomed, always courteous and considerate to a fault. Then there are the things a man should never be seen doing in public. And these occurrences are prevalent, I tell you. I am chalking this breach of character up to pure ignorance instead of puerile arrogance.

In the company of others a man should not chew gum, adjust his business or blow his nose (allergies are a different story, but try to make it the men’s room). A man should not put his hands in his mouth and never should he pick at his teeth after dinner, toothpick or not. In fact, a man should not use a toothpick in public. A man should not touch his face, fiddle with his hair, or put fingers in his nose or his ears. God forbid he should take out a brush or a comb! When in public, a man should not gaze longingly into the mirror at his own reflection. If this seems strict, it is. Men, let’s excuse ourselves to the men’s room. There in the privacy of a closed door to the general public feel free to perform your rituals, but never, ever in public. It just makes senses doesn’t it? Who wants to see these things?

While we’re at it, let’s remind ourselves not to talk so loud in public. No matter how hilarious and clever we think we are, nobody who does not know you honestly wants to hear your story. Don’t guffaw and hee haw so that you draw attention to yourself or to those in your party. Respect the privacy of others. Be attentive, not disruptive. These reminders don’t seem so harsh, do they? The world is getting more crowded, not less. Let’s make it pleasant, shall we? – Social Primer

www.SocialPrimer.Com