Derek Blasberg’s Lessons for Ladies

Drew Barrymore did it. Angelina Jolie did it. Britney Spears and Courtney Love and Whitney Houston did it. Well, those last three seem to be going back and forth between doing it and not doing it—but my point is that it’s completely possible to go from being a train wreck to being a good girl.

Look at the cases of those first two: Barrymore and Jolie. These two fine young beauties came back from a world of vices (Barrymore had a substance abuse problem and was in rehab before she was a teenager; Jolie’s adolescent tales were sordid, involving vials of blood around her neck and making out with her brother), and transformed themselves into caring, nurturing, smart women who are now world-famous actresses and, perhaps more importantly, great role models. Joining them is a whole roster of successful young women who rehabilitated themselves, from First Lady Betty Ford to actress Eva Mendes, to former reality show devil Nicole Richie.

Here’s why I bring this up: Even if you’re a train wreck, even if as you’re reading this book you’re drunk at a store and thinking about stealing it so you can trade it for a cigarette in the parking lot, there’s still hope for you. Even if you drink too much or pole dance to pay for your cell phone bill, you don’t have to be destined to an emotionally painful, liver-damaging, yellow-toothed, overly tattooed existence. Everyone has had a vice. Without fail, everyone still has one. (The person who tells you he or she doesn’t have any vices is lying—in fact, dishonesty is a vice in and of itself.)

Abraham Lincoln said, “A man without vices is a man without virtues.” So don’t lose sleep over your past. After all, part of youth is growing up and learning from your mistakes. Though your mistakes shouldn’t be so damaging they’re permanent: Don’t do something so toxic as a young woman that when you’re older you have a seizure every time you hear a bell ring; don’t pump your body with so many chemicals that when you have babies later in life they come out with three heads and twelve fingers.

But don’t beat yourself up, either. Even if you are a mess, even if you have become the type of girl no one respects, even if you are a tramp—it’s never too late to turn yourself around and become a lady. There is such a thing as second chances. (And third and fourth, for that matter.)

Here’s the thing: The perfect childhood doesn’t exist. Temptation is as old as time; or at least, the history of temptation extends as far back as the moment Eve gave Adam that serpent’s apple. But what sets the lady apart from the tramp is the ability to acknowledge she needs to clean up her act—and then, of course, the fact that she actually does clean up her act. Living a better life is an important decision, and one you have to make for yourself (no one else can make this decision for you, and it’s crucial to remember that you can’t make the decision for someone else, either).

Some of my best friends here in New York have pasts I have a hard time reconciling with the people I’m close to now. But I wouldn’t change them— or their pasts—for anything in the world. Their experiences are what made them the people they are today.

And perhaps more importantly, their experiences have provided me with some of the most amusing stories I’ve ever heard. – Whitney Vargas for Elle.Com